The Daily Rick

A few nights ago, I had a dream that I was saving penguins from slave labor. They were all holed up in some warehouse and, under cover of darkness, I was determined to get 'em out of there one by one like some penguin Moses. At some point, I heard what I assumed were the slavemasters coming my way, so I grabbed an arm full of penguins and jumped into my truck. (I, of course, do not own a truck.) As I sat trying to start the engine, a guy with a shotgun comes into the passenger side window. He aims and shoots me right in the face. Immediately, I woke up incredibly upset but somewhat excited that I was doing something good for somebody else, even if they were penguins.

I think that's why I'm currently mildly obsessed with this Any Soldier website. It's a site where soldiers out in the shit post stuff they need and cannot obtain. You can send them this stuff and you can ever just send them letters. There are thousands of guys in Iraq and Afghanistan fighting to keep our fat American asses safe. The least we could do is send them toothpaste. I found a National Guard unit in Khandahar requesting art supplies and cds and I have chosen to adopt them. I've got loads of this stuff just sitting around the house so I might as well help out. You should, too.

The Entity is on TV right now. It's a horror movie from the early 80s about a ghost beating up and raping a woman played by Barbara Hershey. It's twenty past nine in the morning and they're showing ghosts raping people on TV. I think we can all agree that it's far too early for ghost rape. I think it was John F. Kennedy who said, "There's a time and place for ghost rape and breakfast time is not it. And we should go to the moon not because it is easy, but because it is hard. And also, there are no rape ghosts on the moon."